Sunday, June 28, 2009
Compassion Clubs
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
In the blink of an eye
It's been awhile since I posted.
I haven't had any good meds for awhile now. Without them I simply cannot function. I need medical marijuana to live my life. If I don't have it things are bad. Very, very bad.
I am on my way to Southfield July 6th to get my papers signed for my card. I was supposed to go in June but money ran short and the water pump in the van took a dump. It devastated me to miss that appointment. There is nothing on this earth that is going to keep me from going to this next appointment, so if you happen to see a wild haired hippy chick on the side of the freeway thumbing it to Southfield that day...Please have some compassion and pick me up eh?
I have to share this too. The day before I missed my appointment our beloved dog Gizmo got out of the house. He had alzheimers pretty bad, and if he got past the fence he couldn't find his way back. we spent all of Sunday and Monday searching the city streets. We used craigslist to get the neighborhood involved and Tuesday night we got word that he was spotted by the on ramp to the freeway. He had been hit and had died. Gizmo was a member of our family for twelve years. It was horrible.
Later that week I had an appointment with my regular physician to go over the test results of my EMG. My other half has been frustrated for awhile watching me go to the Dr. over and over and nothing changes. So being the loud guy from Brooklyn, NY that I fell in love with he has called the office and spoke up on my behalf several times. When I am in a lot of pain I guess he speaks just a little louder than they would like.
The result... I was told if I felt they weren't doing a good enough job with my health, and if I wasn't happy, then maybe I should find a new Dr., and just like that, I was released.
Well Fuck !!
So I'm trying to find another Dr. I really don't want to talk about it right now.
So with all of that frustration going on along with not having good meds I have fallen apart. I have been yelling and screaming at anything that moves. My relationship may or may not be over at this point... Bless Chris for being strong when I am losing it. I am so mean to him and I can't help it. I don't mean it and he knows it but I am telling you that I am truly mentally ill and marijuana is the ONLY thing in this world that will calm me down enough to even be reasonable and rational. I get manic, and when I get manic I cannot think straight. My brain is not my own and the words and actions that I express are vindictive to anyone and anything. I get severe panic attacks that make me physically ill. To give you an example... I changed my direct deposits from our joint bank account into my own account. I threatened to call child protective services on Chris and tell them he was a pedophile so that he could never have visitation with his twelve year old daughter again. I threw a kitten. He's ok. I broke things in raging anger.
My parents left with my kids after driving two hours to get them late this afternoon. My son called them last week crying while I was fighting with Chris. He's sixteen and he's seen this behavior come out of me far too much over the years. In a moment of clarity I had Chris call them and ask them please to come and take them for a few days. I just need a break.
The mania is still running strong right now. I have had relief twice thanks to a dear compassionate friend who invited me over and smoked joint after joint of high quality meds with me. It calms me down like no other medication could even touch. Case in point, one of the visits was on fathers day. On the way home from our friends house I felt so awesome that I asked Chris to pull over so I could give him a *ahem* proper fathers day present. Yeah, it makes that much of a difference when I smoke. When I wasn't high anymore, the bitch was back.
I'll be back strong when I get some money and get some meds. My friend is coming over soon to help me start my own grow room downstairs and I am stoked. His plants are just starting to bud and as I stood there looking at it my mouth was watering because I know that some of that harvest is gonna be mine!!!!! And he has offered to help me from start to finish so I never, ever, ever, ever have to go without meds again. Thank you so much S. Get this... S...The guy I just met who is helping me...our fathers were delivered by the same country doctor in my lil hometown of less than 500 people two hours away. His dad was delivered on a kitchen table, my dad probably was too.
God has a great sense of humor.
Peace
Thursday, June 4, 2009
It Still Belongs In the Box

So the church service I attend is contemporary. It's a come as you are service with a live band and a large screen with the words and moving graphics so there is no need for hymnals.They darken the room and jam for the first forty-five minutes every Sunday.
After this part is done, and the room is still darkened the Pastor stands from his seat in the fourth pew back. He begins with a prayer, and then two ushers take wireless microphones around and if you would like to publicly proclaim what is on your heart that morning you are more than welcome to express yourself. After that, Pastor holds a locked box which contains private prayers that are never looked at and are shredded directly after the service. We pray for what is in the box as well.
I am so thankful to God for allowing my state to legalize medical marijuana. I am so thankful that He has allowed me to obtain my card so easily.
God made marijuana. It is a plant in the ground designed by him.
So.... Would it be improper to thank God publicly in a contemporary service for helping us to live a pain free life legally?
I'm not trying to make this a political discussion by any means. I'm just afraid of being that middle aged coo-coo head that people talk about because I speak out about what I believe in. I mean, now that I'm legal does it make it right for me to just throw it into every day conversation just because I can? Uhh, no. Can you say uncomfortable? Although I'm seriously considering thanking the mail man in some kind way on the day he brings my card, and yes I will tell him why.
I just answered my own question, and wrote a title for this post. Yes, it still does belong in the locked box. Sorry God. But I really do not think that most people are not ready to openly discuss middle age moms using medical marijuana. Sadly, I don't think that even in a contemporary church service it would be welcomed. I kind of think afterwards I would be pulled aside and nicely asked to not be so open... At least for awhile. To be fair though, I couldn't get away with it at the PTA meetings either. They would never let me have anything to do with bake sales again!!
Tomorrow night is a city wide prayer event at our local events center. They are hoping for a very large turnout to pray for our city and of course anything and everything else. Let's see what gets thrown out there tomorrow, you never can tell!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Somewhere it's 4:20
Ha!
7:20 Michigan = 4:20 California.
That's fucking cool.
Thanks Chris for pointing this out. You rock.
Monday, June 1, 2009
And it was just that easy

I'm legal.
Just like that.
I told you I faxed in my paperwork Friday afternoon to the clinic in southfield and they called me tonight at 7:20 p.m. to make an appointment for me at their clinic. They asked how soon I wanted to come. Right now I made it for two weeks out because the cost is $200.00, however, if there is any way we can afford it sooner I am off!
I can not believe they called, and so quickly! Even after I made my appointment I asked the guy again if this meant I was approved. He laughed like he had heard this mixture of relief, disbelief, happiness, and ecstasy with just a little bit of good bud thrown in more than a few times.
How Rockin' of a fourth of July it would be to have my medical marijuana card in hand to celebrate!
I have waited for this day for twenty years.